Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
Always leave room, when writing a report, to add an explanation if it doesn't work Rule of the Way Out.
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Muench's Law: Nothing improves an innovation like lack of controls. Ornithologist's Theory: One good tern deserves another.
Experiments must be reproducible, they should fail the same way each time. Young's Law: All great discoveries are made by mistake. The Prime Axiom: In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that can go wrong, will. No experiment is reproducible.
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Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way. Jaffe's Wat There are some things that are impossible to know — but it is impossible to know these things. First Law of Particle Physics: The shorter the life of the particle, the more it costs to produce.
Campbell's Law: Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter. Catch Phrase: Don't go off the deep end. Corollary: The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake. The device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.
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If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. No experiment is reproducible. Do not believe in miracles — rely on them. A record of data is essential, it shows you were working. Barr's Inertial Principle: Asking scientists to revise their theory is like asking cops to revise the law. First draw your curves, then plot your data. Henderson's Law of Scholarship: Research is reading two books that have never been read to write a third that will never be read. Finman's Law of Mathematics: Nobody wants to read anyone else's formulas.
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In any collection of data, the figures that most closely confirm the theory are wrong. Catch Phrase: Don't go off the deep end. Murphy's Metric Recommendation: We should go metric every inch of the way. Catch Phrase: Rumpelstiltskin.
Htings Precept: There are some things that are impossible to know — but it is impossible to know these things. Bowie's Theorem: If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment. The Prime Axiom: In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that can go wrong, will. Tenenbaum's Law of Replicability: The most interesting happen only once.
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If it doesn't make sense, it's either economics or psychology. Always keep a record of data. Science consists of using good facts. Don't retain a discredited model. Corollaries: 1. If it stinks, it's chemistry.
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To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. Hersh's Law: Biochemistry expands to fill the space and time available for its completion and publication. Corollary: In any given discovery, the credit will never be properly placed if more than one person is involved.
Don't distort reality to fit the model. If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points. Fett's Law of the Lab: Never replicate a successful experiment. Corollary: The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.